When sending flowers just won't doo!™
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When sending flowers just won't doo!™
  • doodiegram #10971 to my grandmother

  • doodiegram #84630 to my sister

  • doodiegram #27243 to my ex

  • doodiegram #12903 to mother in law

  • doodiegram #43073 to my server

  • doodiegram #14698 to my boss

  • doodiegram #53137 to my neighbor

  • doodiegram #43243 to my brother

The most fun gift you will ever send Order Now
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  • Here's your award for the crappiest service ever.
  • Here's your award for the crappiest meal ever.
  • Here's your award for the crappiest date ever.
  • Here's your award for the crappiest game ever played .
  • Here's your award for the crappiest customer ever.
  • Here's your award for the crappiest politician ever.
  • Here's your award for the crappiest Ex ever.
  • Just wanted to be the first one to wish you a happy birthday so I can feel superior to your other well-wishers.
  • I was going to send you a birthday cake, but I remembered you are gluten-free.
  • I can't believe it's already been a year since the last time I didn't buy you anything for your birthday!
  • May you live long enough to s*%! yourself.
  • A Happy Birthday to you and your newest chin.
  • Happy Birthday to someone whose hangovers now require sick days.
  • Happy Birthday to one of the few people whose birthday I can remember without a Facebook reminder.
  • Happy Birthday and make sure to remind me how old you're pretending to be.
  • May you live so long that no one wants to see you naked.
  • I hope you don't already have one... Happy Birthday!
  • Happy Birthday to someone old enough to go vintage shopping in their very own closet.
  • Happy Birthday to you from me. You're welcome.
  • Sorry for the belated birthday wishes but I really didn't think you were going to live this long.
  • I know you had lots of Birthday wishes yesterday, but who is thinking of you today? Me, that's who. Happy Belated Birthday.
  • Sorry I forgot to wish you a happy belated birthday.
  • Happy Birthday Dad, you've always been like a father to me.
  • Happy Birthday Mom, you've always been like a mother to me.
  • Congratulations on getting engaged for a reason other than an unwanted pregnancy.
  • Congratulations for finally getting the right to officially annoy, irritate and frustrate your partner for the rest of your life.
  • Congratulations on your engagement, this s#*! just got real.
  • Congratulations on willingly singing up to sleep with the same person for the rest of eternity
  • Congratulations on meeting the father figure of your dreams.
  • A bad day is when you use "My Penis" for a password and you get an error message that says "Not long enough"
  • What did one saggy boob say to the other saggy boob? "We better get some support before someone thinks we're nuts!"
  • Yo momma is so fat, I took a picture of her last Christmas and it's still printing.
  • Yo momma is so fat when she got on the scale it said, "I need your weight not your phone number."
  • Yo mamma is so ugly when she tried to join an ugly contest they said, "Sorry, no professionals."
  • Give a man a fish and he will eat for a day. Teach him how to fish and he will sit in a boat and drink beer all day.
  • Yo mama so fat the bears have to hide their food from her when she goes camping.
  • Yo momma is so stupid she ate her food stamps.
  • What do you have when 100 lawyers are buried up to their necks in sand? Not enough sand.
  • Why won't sharks attack lawyers? Professional courtesy.
  • What do lawyers use as contraceptives? Their personalities.
  • On the internet you can be anything you want, it's strange how so many choose to be stupid.
  • Life is short, smile while you still have teeth.
  • May you grow so old that you terrify people with your driving.
  • It's funny how when I'm loud people ask me to be quiet, but when I'm quiet people ask me what's wrong with me.
  • If Monday had a face I would punch it.
  • I don't have a bucket list, but my fucket list is a mile long.
  • Common sense is like deodorant, the people who need it the most never use it.
  • When life shits on you, throw it at someone.
  • From the first day I saw you I knew I was going to give you the wrong phone number.
  • It was nice waking up with you in bed and meeting you for the first time.
  • Tonight let's do something your memory foam mattress won't forget.
  • I like how your emails look and sound like the English language.
  • Honk if you love Jesus, text while driving if you want to meet him.
  • If we ever got married I would wear my wedding band almost daily.
  • I thought you were hot until I clicked view more photos.
  • Before marrying someone have them use the internet with a slow connection just to see who they really are.
  • Someday I want to adopt an Asian baby with you.
  • Cop: "step out of the car please" Me: "I'm too drunk, you get in"
  • You're not drunk until you need to grab onto the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
  • I farted myself awake again.
  • The reason I wasn't angry when you confused me with someone else is because she was skinnier than me.
  • I'm not the kind of girl you can take home to your mother unless she's a drunk whore too.
  • You were beautiful until your 30 day Photoshop trial expired.
  • Having sex burns as many calories as running 8K, who the hell runs 8K in 30 seconds.
  • You are everything I never wanted.
  • I would like to apologize to anyone I have not offended. Please be patient I will get to you shortly.
  • I love my six pack so much I protect it with a layer of fat.
  • Congratulations on earning your B.S. degree. And we all know what that stands for…
  • Life until now has been like a box of chocolates, the rest is a box of crap.
  • Thanks to Redbull, Google, Vodka and Wikipedia you graduated. Congratulations!
  • Now that you've graduated just remember bosses don't accept notes from your mother.
  • I graduated so I'm like smart and stuff.
  • Congratulations on getting through the easiest part of your life.
  • May your college memories last as long as your student loan payments.
  • Congratulations on your graduation! Now get your ass to work like the rest of us.
  • My deepest condolences on your graduation.
  • Best wishes! We always knew you would barely graduate.
  • Congratulations on getting into graduate school and avoiding the real world for at least another couple of years
  • Congratulations on getting through college without getting pregnant!
  • Congratulations on finally wearing a tassel on something other than your nipples.
  • Congratulations on the miracle that is your graduation.
  • May your college memories last as long as your student loan payments.
  • Congratulations on your graduation! You have our complete and utter non-financial support
  • Congratulations on your graduation! May you find a job that makes financial sense to use gas money getting to.
  • Congratulations on graduating! May your new job be equally as soul sucking as mine.
  • Happy Graduation! May your years of college binge drinking have prepared you for becoming a true professional at happy hour.
  • Congratulations on your graduation and your ability to copy paste your way through college!
  • I'm confident you will succeed at any job that doesn't require a personality test. Happy Graduation!
  • Congratulations on acing the easiest part of life.
  • We admire your relentless drive to further your education and avoid real work. Congratulations on your graduation!
  • Sorry your sociology degree means a lifetime of interviews explaining your sociology degree.
  • Congratulations on your graduation! May your parents have turned your room into a sweet guest room in hopes of you not moving back.
  • Happy Graduation! May you always be a guest in your old room at your parents house and not a resident.
  • I'm sorry this graduation gift may be the best job offer on your horizon.
  • Happy Graduation! May your shocking Facebook photos never hinder your ability to gain employment or a spouse.
  • Happy Graduation! May your freshman 15 not exponentially grow as you enter the world of sitting on your ass for 8 hours a day.
  • Congratulations on your graduation! I look forward to commiserating with you about corporate America for years to come until one of us gets the axe.
  • Uncle Sam would like to wish you a happy graduation! Don't forget to pay your staggering student debt in a timely fashion!
  • Congratulations on your graduation! Sorry your inability to be a trophy husband has resulted in you having to go on some job interviews.
  • Trick or Treat! Because knocking on stranger's doors is just plain silly and no one likes a box of raisins.
  • Your Halloween costume came in the mail today. I opened it. It was a rooster mask and a bag of lollipops. Going as a c*ck sucker again!?
  • Happy Halloween to someone who puts more thought into their costume than into major life decisions.
  • It's not what you do for me on Valentine's Day that matters but the amount of jealousy it provokes in others.
  • My latkes brings all the boys to the yard. Happy Hanukah!
  • Have a happy whatever Jewish holiday it is you took off work for and made a three day weekend out of.
  • Let's drink gin and play some crazy dreidel together
  • Happy Hanukah! Just don't light it on fire…
  • Happy Halloween! May your attempt at dressing like a princess not be mistaken for a tawdry street walker.
  • I hope you aren't disappointed but Santa ran out of your usual lump of coal. Merry Christmas!
  • Merry Christmas from your Secret Santa, I've never been one for keeping a secret from a friend.
  • If I sent Christmas cards you would totally be on my list.
  • Just wanted to spread a little peace, hope and joy this holiday season. Merry Christmas!
  • I don't particularly care if you've been naughty or nice.
  • I'm flattered you actually think I can afford the things on your pretentious Christmas list!
  • I would have gotten you a more impressive gift you weren't already sleeping with me. Happy Holidays!
  • Sorry my seasonal affective disorder caused me to be a real bitch to you over the holidays.
  • Enjoy celebrating a holiday about an obese old man who breaks into your house at night and peeps on children.
  • All I want for Christmas is you…said no one Ever.
  • I'm sorry if seeing me walk around naked has caused you to question your questionable sexuality.
  • Thank you for making sure your dog leaves a daily reminder on my lawn of why I now hate dogs and people.
  • I'm sorry your dog is aging in a more graceful manner than you are.
  • Thank you for being the creepy face I see first thing in the morning.
  • Sorry I continually access your wireless network and that I know "sexybeast 56" is you.
  • Like a good neighbor stay over there.
  • Dear neighbor, here's a little something to remind you of me, thinking of you.
  • Mister Rogers would be deeply disappointed with your lack of neighborliness.
  • Thank you for allowing me to hear way more about your sex life than is reasonable or allowed in 15 states.
  • Dear neighbor, thank you for answering my pounding on your ceiling with you stomping on your floor at 2am.
  • Dear neighbor, thank you for pretending with me that we will get together soon .
  • Dear neighbor, thank you for allowing me the privilege of you watching your dog take a crap on my lawn every morning.
  • We are not a non-profit so please pay your bill
  • Your bill is PAST DOO!
  • Prices subject to change according to customer's attitude.
  • We admire your consistency in never paying your bill on time.
  • Don't be a S#!*head, pay your bill please.
  • Please accept my sincerest gratitude for providing possibly the worst meal of our lives.
  • Thank you for confirming the theory that customer service is a lost art.
  • When you say you're going to show up on time, then show up on time.
  • Thank you for reminding me to check my high expectations at the door when entering your establishment.
  • Thank you for leaving me on hold, please accept this as a token of my gratitude.
  • This strikes an uncanny resemblance to the food you served me last night.
  • Thank you for serving up a plate of dissatisfaction with a side order of attitude.
  • I was looking for the words to describe the meal I had at your restaurant but all I could come up with was this!
  • My mistake I didn't realize you had changed locations and you were now at the intersection of Terrible Service and We Don’t Give A S*&!
  • If only our meal had been half way as presentable as this, I would give you at least one star on yelp.
  • You're bill is OVERDOO!
  • I love you so much, I don't care if you can hear me take a poop.
  • To the one I want to grow old and disgusting with…
  • I love you more each day as my other options diminish.
  • My future boyfriends thank you for considerably lowering my expectations.
  • You're more affectionate and complimentary to random dogs you meet than you are to me.
  • I can't think of anyone I'd rather be in a dysfunctional relationship with.
  • I can't get over how much I can get over you.
  • I can't believe how much I'm not sick of you.
  • Sorry my therapy to correct my passive aggressive behavior has caused me to break up with you in such an aggressive manner.
  • Its not me, it's you.
  • I don’t know what I would do without you, but I bet it's awesome.
  • You're the Shit!
  • If I had a dime for every second of the day I thought about you, I'd be much too rich to give you a second thought.
  • My voicemail will always be there for you.
  • I miss spending time apart from you.
  • May your life someday be as awesome as you pretend it is on Facebook.
  • Karma is a bitch and she knows where you live.
  • You will always be #2 in my book.
  • You drink too much, swear too much and have questionable morals…You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
  • I'm sorry I became an emotional wreck as soon as you called me an emotional wreck.
  • You make me wish I had more middle fingers.
  • I can't believe how much I'm not sick of you yet.
  • May your Valentine's Day disgust all of your single friends.
  • Happy early Valentine's Day to someone who should already by planning the greatest night of my life.
  • Let's celebrate not having to celebrate Valentine's Day.
  • I wanted to amaze you with my ability to express my infinite love for you for under $20.
  • Happy Valentine's Day to someone I can actually sleep with sober!
  • No date for Valentine's Day? Next year try not to be such a narcissistic man slut.
  • Sorry the highlight of your Valentine's day is the 50% off drugstore chocolate on February 15th.
  • I love you like a fly loves doo.
  • Have a Craptastic Valentine's Day!
  • I'm so happy I happen to be dating you in February. Happy Valentine's Day.
  • Happy Friends with Benefits day!
  • You're my favorite coworker and not just because I hate everyone else who works here.
  • Sorry that your work spouse is so much better looking than your actual spouse.
  • That outfit you have on would look dynamite in our next company sexual harassment video.
  • Dear employee, we need to discuss the impact you are having on the men's restroom.
  • I'd ask you to go F#$% yourself, but you would probably just delegate that to me too.
  • Congratulations on getting promoted to the job you're already doing.
  • Congratulations on successfully violating the entire employee handbook!
  • You are the coworker I miss emailing from a few feet away the most.
  • Sorry you failed your drug test for the drugs you take to tolerate other employees.
  • If assholes could fly this place would be an airport.
  • Happy Birthday to my favorite work wife.
  • Bitching about other people not working really makes the work day fly by.
  • Sorry your courageous decision to leave the company has left you unemployed.
  • I'm sorry dressing for the job you want got you fired from your current job.
  • Thank you for your heroic efforts to come into work while violently ill and make all of us violently ill.
  • I'm sorry my recent absence from work caused you to have to do your own work.
  • Just a note to let you know how much my soul has died since I started working here.
  • We're all going to really miss doing your work for you. Happy Retirement!
  • Just a friendly reminder that your customer service is out of service.
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Bad service, bad date or bad meal, let them know how you feel. Also great as a birthday card or invitation. Perfect for bachelor parties, baby showers, retirement parties or any time you want a laugh.

Love your butt

A portion of the proceeds from every doodiegram sold goes to help find a cure for colon cancer. The more you buy the more you help. Thank you!

National Cancer Institute and Colon Cancer Alliance

Frequently asked questions
Is the doodie in the doodiegram real?
No, it's not real but it sure looks real.
Does the Doodigram smell?
No, there is no smell and No, we will not add smell to it.
How will I know my Doodiegram has been sent?
You will receive email confirmation of each Doodiegram sent out along with a tracking number for each Doodiegram. You can track your Doodigram through our Doodie Tracker on the home page.
How does your pricing work?
Each doodiegram includes 1 (fake but very real looking) doodie, personalized message, wrapped in a descreet box and send to anywhere in the US for $14.95.
What comes in the Doodigram?
1 Beautiful gift box, 1 premium fake fresh looking Doodie, and a personalized card to your recipient.
Is shipping included?
Shipping is included in the price. All doodiegrams are shipped First Class and take an average of 2-4 days to arrive at their destination.
Are there discounts available for sending multiple doodiegrams?
Discounts are available for sending out 10 or more doodiegrams as invitations for parties or for mass mailings. Please contact our office toll free at
Why send doodiegram?
Bad service, bad date or bad meal, let them know how you feel. Send a doodiegram as a birthday card, invitation or any other time you want to get a laugh or get even.
Need some help?
Contact sales@doodiegram.com or call toll free 1-844-2DOODIE for any customer service or delivery questions.
Who is doodiegram?
doodiegram was developed by a couple of individuals who where just sick and tired of bad service, bad meals and mean people and wanted a way to really let these people know how they felt. What better way to emphasize your point than a pile of doodie (fake of course), We also enjoy a good laugh and messing with our friends and family.